Categorically Less Than Perfect

I’ve neglected to shave for the past few days and I’m afraid I’ve come down with poetry. Bear with me, will you? I’m sure we can get through it. 

You live your life categorically less than perfect
You were told if you had to flaunt you had to work it
You live your life as a constant bother
You spent your childhood running home, back to your mother.
You enjoy living in your stained glass castle
You never stop reminding us that your life is such a hassle
I’ve never been one to be a  pessimist
If I were I’d be out now, trying to get pissed

Why do you think you’re always so tired?
Why are you always worried about getting fired?
Is it because you live like a functioning agoraphobic?
You think your life is the definition of ironic.
In reality, it borders on illogic.
But who am I telling how to live your life?
Who am I to tell you your life is full of strife?
Maybe one day you’ll settle down and become a wife.
Or maybe you can change your life and become happy.
Are you content staying here and changing a nappy?

Is this life of yours getting too fast to handle?
How would you know your kid would become a fucking vandal?
Maybe you should slow and plan how to retire.
Do this fast, as the situation is becoming ever dire.
Perhaps you should leave town to live in the country
Maybe you should stop being a mental absentee.

Now you are old and your troubled son is back in prison
How many more problems have recently arisen?
Now you can’t see, and you can’t count your medication
And your life is slipping far past the point of aggravation.
Now you’re sick and in hospital again
And you hope you’ll die shortly or you’ll go insane
Though anything would be a vast improvement.
And it is becoming harder to make any sort of movement.

Now you are dead and life goes on without you.
You tried to be kind although you didn’t have to.
But you lived your life always trying to please others.
Although you never lived for your mothers or your fellow brothers.
Why didn’t you try to live the life you always wanted.
Life was moving fast and you were always getting taunted.
Was it you or the system or maybe something in between?
Maybe you should have viewed life a little more obscene.

So it’s time I tell the lesson of this little story.
Forget all the expectations and the memento mori
Now don’t you live your life ten miles from where you were born
Remember to think outside the box and to never mourn.
Don’t live life worrying about your future, but remember to remember your past
Maybe you could escape your caste,  perhaps  you could be happy at long last.
Why are you here? Now that I couldn’t tell you.
But seize the day and try to be content without contempt
I’ll leave you now and I bid you adieu..

The Case for a Minimum Rage

We live in a world of poverty, inequality, discrimination, ignorance, and general stupidity. The world is full of injustice, cruelty, persecution, sensitivity, push/pull doors, traffic, fast food, entire countries of people spelling words entirely incorrectly (not even ironically), holistic medicine, people who are too easily offended, people who are not offended enough, people who believe correlation implies causation, people who follow their preconceived notions regardless of contrary experience or logic, people who find humour in obscenity alone, people who get offended by obscenity *OBSCENITY WARNING* fuck, people who believe being offended by something gives them a right of some kind, and worst of all is people who believe that listing a series of partially serious/ridiculous grievances about people, behaviours, and annoying things on the internet in order to make a partially political/humourous point. All these things/people drive me mad. In fact, I am so terribly cross with the world sometimes that I believe certain people are not angry enough. There are many people walking throughout the world, looking through fringe covered eyes going through life with as little contempt and cynicism as is possible for a human being in the Twenty-First Century. While there are perfectly content people running around in dead end jobs, in perfectly decent relationships, with lovely, typical, unfulfilling lives, screaming out one another’s idiocies, and having a generally acceptable existence. These people worry too much to have to put up with the optimism and inherent perkiness of this elitist sect of personal philosophers. A minimum rage would not result in emotional socialism, but contribute to raising the angrily destitute (those destitute of anger) above the ferocity level. I mean, just imagine the alternative. A world with positivity, general respect for the views of others, rational discussion, widespread characteristic perkiness/enthusiasm, people working for the common good for improvement’s sake as opposed to the distaste of of current affairs. A world that is powered by elation, other than fear and propaganda-spouting hate. A world run in the pursuit of happiness, as opposed to property. Wait… that doesn’t sound completely horrible. The rationality behind my irrational anger seems a little less well founded… A life lived with the main goal of trying to be happy and helpful seems remarkably improved over one of existential chaos and Nihilism….. Well, I’m resolved then. Let your hair hang down, make a remarkably stupid face, allow your brow to relax a bit, feel that prolonged numb headache fade away, and laugh at the idiots who actually think their anger, or equally negative emotional state, is productive, necessary, or something that doesn’t necessitate a major attitude adjustment. Cheers then. I’m going to watch videos on the internet that inspire childlike wonder in me about the universe, human behaviour, and philosophy because I enjoy it and then maybe go out into the real world for a bit of amusement(emphasis on the maybe).

P.S. I also feel like not indenting paragraphs because this is my life and I can do what I want. I’m sorry my life doesn’t live up to your conventions. I’m only human, and also largely composed of bacteria and viruses. Thanks, Mr. Campbell. Oh I’m thanking people now. I knew I wanted to do something of that sort, so another thanks to my mate, Noah, for misspeaking and contributing to the general amusement of myself and several others.

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What's one weird memory you have of your childhood? One time, I was hiking and discovered a nudist camp, after wandering a bit from my parents. That was odd. It very well may have influenced the development of my attitude towards human sexuality. What do you think about that?

Were you amused or discomforted by that last question?

Generally amused. It wasn't great, but somewhat clever. I should say, I'm quite discomforted by that. They really do let anyone write a blog these days, don't they?

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Homo Novus: 21st Century Man

Now in the 21st Century, society is continuing to right the wrongs of Human history toward women and the LGBT community. To quote, Doctor Who spin-off and mainstream science fiction recognition of the gay community, Torchwood, “The twenty-first century is when everything changes. And you’ve got to be ready”. Everything is, in fact, changing. Steps are being taken in nearly every first world country and beyond toward equality for women and (I am completely ignorant of how to properly reference the entirety of the LGBT community so) the LGBT community. These steps are greatly delayed, but completely necessary to the progress of our world. This, of course, brings about a series of challenges especially to those on the front lines. I, as a middle class, white, heterosexual male, am not on the front lines. However, I am proud to be part of the metaphorical home front.  As much as I would love to be one, I can never be a feminist. The same way I can never be proper Black Panther because I am white or a white supremacist because my parents weren’t cousins.

I would now like to go into detail about what, I believe, is the position and purpose of this “home front”. I imagine, we are made predominately of heterosexual males who support, at the very least, passively, equality for women and the LGBT community. It is we, the homines novi, the new men that help contribute to the movement for equality. We don’t necessarily have to be “metrosexuals”, who take advantage of a more accepting society to properly groom and clothe ourselves. The existence of this term of differentiation between homosexuals and those who apparently resemble homosexual males goes to prove the biased society in which we live. We ally ourselves to the feminist cause due to our senses of rationality and morality. This does not mean that chivalry needs to die. Simply because people are equals does not mean one cannot sacrifice one’s own comfort for that of another. An issue with this only presents itself when arrogant individuals believe their good deeds require repayment. It is my personal belief that acting in an altruistic manner to all people, regardless of gender, orientation, colour, etcetera, is a basic courtesy and in no way a romantic advance (I mean, obviously doing a favour for somebody you fancy couldn’t possibly hurt). The new men are not a product of our generation and most likely go as far back as the gender struggle itself. It is recently, however that we are becoming a sizable community. We can hardly take credit for the success of the struggle, but we are necessary to safeguard against oppression. It is our job to recognise injustice, point it out, and, although we are not affected by it, protect others from the cruelty of the ignorant, and, although we are not directly affected, stop the persecution and change the world for the better. This is what it means to be a twenty-first century man, this is what it means to be a sane fucking human being, this is what it means to be Homo Novus.